Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
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The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
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I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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