Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
