Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I skipped work to stalk him.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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