And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
