My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
