is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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