Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
