The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
