Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
