It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
