How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
