my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We left the knife in your bed.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Randomize
