I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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