Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
