Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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