i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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