Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
