please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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