how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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