I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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