And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
