i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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