It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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