Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
