your parents love me but you hate me
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
