I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
