Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
