I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
