Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's official drugs can't kill me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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