You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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