I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
