Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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