I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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