when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
