I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
