I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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