Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
