I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
