you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
