all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
