watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
