hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Fuck appropriateness.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize