Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
