weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
