im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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