dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
