Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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