Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
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Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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