i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just cut my nipple shaving
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
