hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
