PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
