I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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