I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
