Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize