hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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