i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
