His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
we should paint friendship bongs
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