took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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