I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
