Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
