The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
